Brick Mortar….Days of December #4

074a day late because I fell asleep at my computer before posting

What is the mortar that holds your bricks together??

Now I am talking about what really keeps you from falling apart on a daily basis…Is it a “what” or maybe a “who”.

I was one of the fortunate children in life that had someone to protect me and hold me close and love me when I was very young. I had a brother…Tommy Gene. He was my stability as a toddler. I remember being packed around by my sister and two of my brothers but it was Tom who made sure I brushed my teeth and had my long platinum blonde hair brushed. I recall choosing a dress to wear and always having to bring it out for his approval… I needed that approval from him and for the life of me I do not remember him ever saying no.

After he married and moved out I visited him often as they lived 6 blocks away… his wife did not understand why she could not just step in and take all of his attention away…but I was the baby… I was my brothers baby from the time he was 14. He held me close and danced with me…spinning in circles at times with my little legs flying outward. I curled up in his arms and watched the Johnny Carson show each week night, and as he played with my hair and combed it with his fingers I fell sound asleep then he would pack me to bed and tuck me in.

My brother Tom was my mortar even after he died when I was 15. I never said goodbye to him until I was 49, I was lost for years…my caregiver ripped from my life. Even though we were not in each others lives on a constant basis I knew he was stability. I wandered in my life hanging on to a thread of him in my soul. I didn’t walk or talk until I was 3 because I didnt have to…being the baby all I had to do was sit on the floor and put my hands up and away I was whooshed and if I wanted something i would extend my hand and open and close it and it was handed to me. That thread of my brother that I would not release helped me walk and talk…helped me with what little confidence I had.

My lesson….sometimes when your mortar is gone or just not working you need to re-examine and decide what does hold you together the best.

I am still working on that…the only 2 things, aside from my Lord, that are my mortar are caffeine (duh) and the love of my best friend. His ability to kick my ass when I need it, to encourage me to do better, to comfort me when I push others away and his kisses.  (and yes he brushes his fingers in my hair, just like my Tommy Gene used to).




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