Autumn…inevitable death.

Autumn seems to be the only death we embrace and find beauty in.

Death is inevitable, a part of life, as my Mama always says. She and I have spoken at length about it

My oldest brother is in hospice now, having refused any more medication to prolong his life. His children cried and pleaded with him but he made a decision to just let go. I am not sure how i feel about this as he and i were never close. He is 18 years older than I and the only things I really know of him are what Mama has told me. In my adult life I have seen him 3 times. And my whole life, maybe a dozen.

It sit and watch my Mama’s sadness and I feel nothing about him, no sympathy, no remorse, no sorrow. We have spoken, as adults, probably less than one hour tops. It was always about our parents  or just the usual, hi, how are you crap. He is but another stranger in this world that just happens to share my DNA. However, I feel for my Mama. I hate to see her cry.

I do feel strongly about one taking their own life or the life of another…I do not believe my brother is doing this. I believe his body has given up and the meds he was taking just prolonged the inevitable. His wife died last year and they were each others’ world. I truly think he does not want to go through more holidays without her.

So, I may be the only one in the family, the one who knows him the least, that understands his wishes the most. The ache in your heart when you cannot share the most special moments with the one you love the deepest. The insanity of medications… You take one to relieve the symptoms of something going on in your body and it creates side effects that end up needing medication. Pretty soon you are taking a handful of pills,  and you rely on mankind to develop something to make you better when it was what mankind made in the first place that started this cycle of medicating the body instead of curing it.

Sometimes we realize too late in life what it is we can do to prevent things and by then we have just become too tired to fight the battle we were once young enough to wage.

Death…a part of life. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Is this why we don’t care to work at being healthier..because we believe our fight is for naught?


Just my Monday randomness. Thank you Lord, for extra time in my day to pound the keys and feel catharsis.



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